Granny is part of a Big/Little Sister/Brother program and she apparently has been tutoring a young girl since she was in 4th grade. The girl made the mistake of commenting that she was possibly eligible for a P.E. award at school. Well the girl did not receive the award and so Granny thought she would find out why. First she calls the school...
Granny--"Hi, I am part of the Big Sister Little Sister program and I have been tutoring a child since she was in 4th grade and she told me that she thought she had met the criteria for a P.E. Award, I think it was the President's award, but I am not sure. Anyways, I seen her a few days after the awards ceremony, I think it was last Thursday, and I asked to see her award and she told me she didn't get it. I just want to know why she didn't get the award."**
[Other person answers]
"Well, is there someone else I can talk to? Maybe like the head of the athletic department or someone in the p.e. department? I just want to talk to someone and find out why this little girl didn't get her award that she thinks she earned."
[other person transfers her and she apparently gets a voice mail]
**Repeat of the entire story on a voicemail.
Then apparently she gets cut off because she calls back again...
"Hi,I hope this is Ms._____ because you didn't identify yourself on your voice mail, anyways, This is Barbara again, I was just leaving a voice mail and I got cut off and I tried to chose option 8 to continue to leave the message but it didn't work so I just had to call back anyways I am part of the big sister little sister program and I tutor.....**[she continued to leave the entire story on the voice mail again]
.:.:She will probably never realize that the reason why people never return her calls is because they probably die half way through listening to the lifelong message that she leaves and they are rotting in a casket before she ever gets to the phone number part:.:.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
WTF? Where is my soup?
So, for some reason, Granny finds it to be her responsibility to clean out the office fridge. She spent 2 days asking people around the office who the "plastic, sealed container with noddle looking soup" belonged to. Of course, we all played dumb and said we didn't know. [The soup was Samm's from a few weeks ago] She asked everyone except for Meredith. Today she decided that the soup had been in the fridge long enough and it was necessary to throw it away. Around lunchtime we had Meredith dig through the fridge as if she were looking for something.
After a few seconds, Granny goes "Oh, I hope you aren't looking for that soup."
Meredith- "Yes, actually, that is my lunch."
Granny-"Oh dear, well it has been in there for a few weeks and I threw it in the trash about 45 minutes ago..hang on...I just sat it in the trash can."
[Granny digs through the trash] "Here it is, it was just sitting on top and it is in a plastic closed container, its okay, I promise, here its still cold even."
Meredith-"umm, no it's okay. It has been in the trash. I'll eat something else."
So, then Meredith went out to get lunch (as she had planned to do all along) and Granny came in to my office to discuss the matter with Samm and I.
Granny-"Girls, let me get your opinion on this matter. I threw Meredith's soup away, but it had been in there for weeks. I figured if someone ate it they would get sick!" (Coming from the woman who ate yogurt left in the fridge from the old secretary. She has been gone from the office for over a year now) "I just sat it in the trash can and it was still in the container, but she didn't want to eat it"
US-"Yeah, umm, I wouldn't want to eat something that had been in the trash either. Just the thought of it being pulled out of the trash is gross"
Granny-"Oh, okay. Well my grandparents always said, 'you need to eat a peck of dirt in your life'"
Then, she proceeded to tell us that she also found a frozen dinner in the refrigerator part of the fridge and it says "keep frozen" so she circled [in black sharpie] "keep frozen" and drew an arrow to it and put it in the freezer 'where its supposed to be'. Apparently, it never occured to her that maybe someone had planned on eating it soon and wanted to defrost it some before putting it into the microwave. After I brought that idea up to her, she took it out of the freezer and put it back where she found it. lol
Moral of the Story: WTF is she doing going through the OFFICE fridge and removing and organizing everyone else's stuff? Oh and if it doesn't have your name and/or initials on it, it is free game. SHE WILL EAT THE FOOD and ask later, "was that your ______ in the fridge? I accidently ate it. I thought it was mine because I have some______ like it at home"
WTF? Seriously, I have never ACCIDENTLY ATE anything!
After a few seconds, Granny goes "Oh, I hope you aren't looking for that soup."
Meredith- "Yes, actually, that is my lunch."
Granny-"Oh dear, well it has been in there for a few weeks and I threw it in the trash about 45 minutes ago..hang on...I just sat it in the trash can."
[Granny digs through the trash] "Here it is, it was just sitting on top and it is in a plastic closed container, its okay, I promise, here its still cold even."
Meredith-"umm, no it's okay. It has been in the trash. I'll eat something else."
So, then Meredith went out to get lunch (as she had planned to do all along) and Granny came in to my office to discuss the matter with Samm and I.
Granny-"Girls, let me get your opinion on this matter. I threw Meredith's soup away, but it had been in there for weeks. I figured if someone ate it they would get sick!" (Coming from the woman who ate yogurt left in the fridge from the old secretary. She has been gone from the office for over a year now) "I just sat it in the trash can and it was still in the container, but she didn't want to eat it"
US-"Yeah, umm, I wouldn't want to eat something that had been in the trash either. Just the thought of it being pulled out of the trash is gross"
Granny-"Oh, okay. Well my grandparents always said, 'you need to eat a peck of dirt in your life'"
Then, she proceeded to tell us that she also found a frozen dinner in the refrigerator part of the fridge and it says "keep frozen" so she circled [in black sharpie] "keep frozen" and drew an arrow to it and put it in the freezer 'where its supposed to be'. Apparently, it never occured to her that maybe someone had planned on eating it soon and wanted to defrost it some before putting it into the microwave. After I brought that idea up to her, she took it out of the freezer and put it back where she found it. lol
Moral of the Story: WTF is she doing going through the OFFICE fridge and removing and organizing everyone else's stuff? Oh and if it doesn't have your name and/or initials on it, it is free game. SHE WILL EAT THE FOOD and ask later, "was that your ______ in the fridge? I accidently ate it. I thought it was mine because I have some______ like it at home"
WTF? Seriously, I have never ACCIDENTLY ATE anything!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
New Outfit :)
"Ladies, I have a lovely baby blue golfing shirt..its a barely worn Liz Claiborne shirt and I also have these woman's size 14 shorts, my soon to be 20 y/o granddaughter has out grown them and luckily I have lost enough weight that they don't fit me anymore, but perhaps you can take them? If they don't work for you, you can always give them to some you may know what could possibly fit in them?
I'm too sexy for this shirt
too sexy for this shirt
to0 sexy it hurts.... :)
I'm too sexy for this shirt
too sexy for this shirt
to0 sexy it hurts.... :)
The call to DanActive....
Granny is at it with the phone calls AGAIN!
"Hi, I just to let you know that I have been trying the DanActive product for a few weeks now. I thought that you should know that it leaves a terrible after taste in my mouth. If I don't eat anything for a few hours, the taste it leaves in my mouth is just awful. I don't remember what kind it was, I'm not at home to look at the label, but it was like blue colored or maybe clear. Anyways, I just wanted you to know that I don't like the bad taste it leaves in my mouth."
Seriously? WHO DOES THAT? If you don't like it, DON'T EAT IT. And how in the world do you confuse blue colored and clear? That is scary.
"Hi, I just to let you know that I have been trying the DanActive product for a few weeks now. I thought that you should know that it leaves a terrible after taste in my mouth. If I don't eat anything for a few hours, the taste it leaves in my mouth is just awful. I don't remember what kind it was, I'm not at home to look at the label, but it was like blue colored or maybe clear. Anyways, I just wanted you to know that I don't like the bad taste it leaves in my mouth."
Seriously? WHO DOES THAT? If you don't like it, DON'T EAT IT. And how in the world do you confuse blue colored and clear? That is scary.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
It's ripped but......
We are so happy to inform you that we now have a complete outfit donated by Granny :)
Her granddaughter tore the second strap of sequins off of the skirt and granny was going to sew it and fix it, but instead if we just wore a long shirt it would cover it up! Awesome!
Her granddaughter tore the second strap of sequins off of the skirt and granny was going to sew it and fix it, but instead if we just wore a long shirt it would cover it up! Awesome!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I'm blue da ba dee da ba da da ba dee
Meredith denied this beautiful jacket....we were never asked if we wanted it. She just suggested that we should keep it here in our office in case we got cold or something.
Samm said she wouldn't be caught dead wearing the jacket.
I begged to differ....
the stapler did what?
Yesterday evening Granny decided she wanted to work late. Renee stayed late with her, but when she wasn't ready to leave she decided to leave Granny alone at the office to lock up. We came in this morning and found the electric stapler [which has never had a problem] and the following note on the front desk.
She also left 15 minutes of voice messages on Grady's phone.
She locked herself in the building and didn't know how to get out.
Needless to say we are under strict orders to
"Never leave her in the office alone ever ever again"
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
and up for grabs today we have......
**All items have been forced upon us donated by...you know who***
Today, the wonderful Cameron shows off his [over stretched] sunglasses and
"All dressed up & no place to go! tee"
Meredith models her lovely beach bag.....nevermind the fact that it is broken
yes, the strap is being held together by a piece of ribbon and the inside tag
[throw the friggin bag away...it is BROKEN)
&& Last, but certainly not least
Samm is happy to show everyone her
James J. McCall, D.D.S., P.A. Comprehensive and
Cosmetic Dentistry lunch box!
Hope your day is awesomely, awesome! :)
Peace.
"All dressed up & no place to go! tee"
Meredith models her lovely beach bag.....nevermind the fact that it is broken
yes, the strap is being held together by a piece of ribbon and the inside tag
[throw the friggin bag away...it is BROKEN)
&& Last, but certainly not least
Samm is happy to show everyone her
James J. McCall, D.D.S., P.A. Comprehensive and
Cosmetic Dentistry lunch box!
Hope your day is awesomely, awesome! :)
Peace.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
"It looks tent like..."
She is at it with the phone calls again!
Phone call to the Dentist
"Yes, I went to the movies with my 19 year old granddaughter. She is one of your patients. Anyways, she has braces and during the movie she picked the skin on the inside of her mouth at least two dozen times that I counted. And I argue with her about it all the time and I just want you to put a note in the file that the Doctor needs to look at her mouth and make sure there is nothing wrong like cancer or something and it is just a bad habit that she has."
I have personally never experienced braces, but I gather that the metal would cut the insides of your mouth and it makes perfect sense to me to want to get the peeling skin outta there?
p.s. Please note the poor child is 19 years old!
Phone call to the Foot Doctor
"Hi, I have been there before a number of years back and I had surgery on one of my toes. Well now my right big toe nail has something wrong with it. It looks tent like instead of flat like it is supposed to be. I guess I want to come in and have the doctor look at it."
Not, "it has pushed upwards in the center" but, "It looks tent like" bahahahah
Phone call to the Dentist
"Yes, I went to the movies with my 19 year old granddaughter. She is one of your patients. Anyways, she has braces and during the movie she picked the skin on the inside of her mouth at least two dozen times that I counted. And I argue with her about it all the time and I just want you to put a note in the file that the Doctor needs to look at her mouth and make sure there is nothing wrong like cancer or something and it is just a bad habit that she has."
I have personally never experienced braces, but I gather that the metal would cut the insides of your mouth and it makes perfect sense to me to want to get the peeling skin outta there?
p.s. Please note the poor child is 19 years old!
Phone call to the Foot Doctor
"Hi, I have been there before a number of years back and I had surgery on one of my toes. Well now my right big toe nail has something wrong with it. It looks tent like instead of flat like it is supposed to be. I guess I want to come in and have the doctor look at it."
Not, "it has pushed upwards in the center" but, "It looks tent like" bahahahah
Thursday, May 7, 2009
It's not because I think your poor......
I know you were all upset yesterday because we didn't post, but Granny was "OUT OF OFFICE ALL DAY" -per her calender post
As for today, it is only 10:00am and boy do we have a story for you!
Granny-"Okay, please don't take offense if I ever offer you anything. It is not because I think you are poor and can't afford it. I grew up poor and therefore I can't throw anything in the garbage. I take it to Goodwill if anything. Anyways my daughter gave me this stuff so I thought I might bring it to see if yall would need it.
1. This is a 400 count very soft sheet for a queen bed. It is used. My granddaughter is still using the bottom half, but she didn't want the top part anymore.
2. I have this blue queen bed duster. It is new.
3. I have this pink bed duster. It is used, but its still usable!"
2 minutes intermission
"Oh and would one of your significant others need a pair of sunglasses? These have stretched out so much that the don't fit my face. But a man's face is bigger and they would probably fit one of them."
Until later
As for today, it is only 10:00am and boy do we have a story for you!
Granny-"Okay, please don't take offense if I ever offer you anything. It is not because I think you are poor and can't afford it. I grew up poor and therefore I can't throw anything in the garbage. I take it to Goodwill if anything. Anyways my daughter gave me this stuff so I thought I might bring it to see if yall would need it.
1. This is a 400 count very soft sheet for a queen bed. It is used. My granddaughter is still using the bottom half, but she didn't want the top part anymore.
2. I have this blue queen bed duster. It is new.
3. I have this pink bed duster. It is used, but its still usable!"
2 minutes intermission
"Oh and would one of your significant others need a pair of sunglasses? These have stretched out so much that the don't fit my face. But a man's face is bigger and they would probably fit one of them."
Until later
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Symbol of Gratitude
Today we received a note addressed to us both:
"Because you both are so quick to jump up and help me, I thought you might like to have this symbol of gratitude"
In addition to our note, we received a [used] ty beanie frog [to share]. We decided to name him gorF. (It's Frog backwards...just in case you wondered)
The clock is wrong...
One day, Meredith, the receptionist of the office, was busy creating seminar packets and her desk was cluttered with mounds of paperwork. Amongst the massive piles she found a sticky note that read:
"Meredith,
According to my Rolex, the clock in your office is wrong. It is five minutes slow.
Please fix the clock or replace the batteries. Thanks."
Until next time-
Conversations to date....
Granny-"Where do I go if I want to type something?"
Answer-"ummm...double click on Word?"
5 minutes later
Granny-"I don't have Word on my computer. Could it be Microsoft Office Word?"
Answer-"Yes...Word is the same thing Microsoft Office Word. It is just easier to say 'Word' than Microsoft Office Word."
Granny-"What does double click mean?"
Demonstration of double click
Granny-"How do I delete something if I don't want it there anymore?"
Answer-"THE BACKSPACE KEY!" Or if ya really wanna get fancy highlight it and hit "delete" who knew?
Granny-"Why do I have to keep logging into yahoo over and over for my e-mail?"
Answer-"1. Yahoo is not your email, Outlook is your e-mail, yahoo is your calender. 2. If you "X" out of it...you have to log back in...just minimize it to the bottom of your screen"
Granny-"I can't get this to work...I can't click because it is not 'a hand'"
Answer-"It is not always going to be 'a hand' when you go to click a link...sometimes it is going to stay an arrow...that is okay."
Granny-"How come when I edit something it keeps saving the new one and the wrong stuff?"
Answer-[as explained for the third plus time]"Because you are clicking SAVE AS it will continue to save the old stuff and the new stuff..if you want the wrong stuff to go away and be replaced by the new stuff you have to just SAVE over the old stuff!
♥
Answer-"ummm...double click on Word?"
5 minutes later
Granny-"I don't have Word on my computer. Could it be Microsoft Office Word?"
Answer-"Yes...Word is the same thing Microsoft Office Word. It is just easier to say 'Word' than Microsoft Office Word."
Granny-"What does double click mean?"
Demonstration of double click
Granny-"How do I delete something if I don't want it there anymore?"
Answer-"THE BACKSPACE KEY!" Or if ya really wanna get fancy highlight it and hit "delete" who knew?
Granny-"Why do I have to keep logging into yahoo over and over for my e-mail?"
Answer-"1. Yahoo is not your email, Outlook is your e-mail, yahoo is your calender. 2. If you "X" out of it...you have to log back in...just minimize it to the bottom of your screen"
Granny-"I can't get this to work...I can't click because it is not 'a hand'"
Answer-"It is not always going to be 'a hand' when you go to click a link...sometimes it is going to stay an arrow...that is okay."
Granny-"How come when I edit something it keeps saving the new one and the wrong stuff?"
Answer-[as explained for the third plus time]"Because you are clicking SAVE AS it will continue to save the old stuff and the new stuff..if you want the wrong stuff to go away and be replaced by the new stuff you have to just SAVE over the old stuff!
♥
Let's catch you up to speed
Okay...so first you need to be brought up to speed on the situation! For some unknown reason the attorney we work for decided to hire a 74 year old [non-practicing] attorney. Since she has never practiced law...she had no idea that computers existed or what a computer even was. Luckily for us [feel the sarcasm] she moved into the office right across the hall! [Which just so happened to be Tired's office...she was kicked out and now shares an office with Sick] So day in and day out Sick & Tired spend more time in Granny's office teaching her about "the computer" than they spend in their own! Since we get so much enjoyment out of our jobs here at the office we decided it was time to share it with the world. YAY!
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